Week 9 Storytelling: Of the Lunar Race
Ami set her boots down with a dull echoing thud by her parents' boots and called out for them. Her mother called back from the kitchen area.
"Come here, dear, I'm trying to decide what we should have for dinner."
Even though her parents were the king and queen of the colony, they didn't spend much time in the grand palace. Her parents prefered the smaller module attached to the back of the palace, where the echoes of the ancient gods were not so loud and constant.
"We should try something new, mother. It could be fun."
Ami's mother nodded and pressed a button on the screen. The food producer began to whir, and Ami's mother turned her attention to a smudge of moon dust on Ami's face.
"Where'd you go, dear?"
"Well, I went to go visit father, then I stopped by the school to let them know we granted their request, then I went to the gardens to check on the lotuses, then I took one to my friend who is ill," Ami ticked the things off on her fingers as she listed them. Her mother smiled warmly.
"You're doing so well. You are a very good princess."
Ami laughed. "Hopefully I'll be able to find a prince worthy of my virtue."
Her mother nodded somberly. "Your father continues his search daily."
"Her father does what?" a jovial voice boomed from the entryway.
"Father!" Ami cheered and ran to him to embrace him.
"My dear, I have found suitors for you."
"But I just saw you! Why didn't you tell me then?"
"I found them after you left. It was my mission this afternoon, and I have been successful!"
The next day, though this time was determined by the clock as they were suspended in a near eternal twilight, her father gathered the men he had deemed worthy of her in the great hall of the palace. Many of the greatest families of the colonies had sons among the crowd. Ami's eyes landed almost instantly on a man who held his space helmet, adorned with a lovely painted bird, under his arm. His eyes were lovely, and she felt love for him. The procession of suitors that her father led in front of her were a blur to her until she realized at the end that the man with the bird helmet was never brought before her. When she asked her father why, he shook his head.
"That boy comes from a poor family. He is not worthy of you."
But Ami had made up her mind. In the days that passed, her parents realized this.
One night, feeling oppressed by the expectations of her parents, Ami snuck off to the palace. She sat in silence, listening to the unintelligible murmurs of the ancient gods. After some time, Ami began to think that she could understand them.
"Can you understand me?" she asked softly.
"Yes, of course."
"Can I be with the man I love?" Ami whispered.
"You ask me? None of you ask us anything anymore."
"I'm sorry. I will be queen soon. Perhaps I can bring my people closer to you."
There was silence like she had never heard before in the palace. All the murmurs stopped, as if they all held their breaths. Ami held her breath as well.
"You may have your love."
Years later, there were no murmurs in the palace. Instead the gods spoke clearly with their people. They were corporeal once more, as in the days of old. Most of the gods sat as near as they could to Ami. She was radiant, holding the hand of her love. She had kept her promise to the gods, and she had brought her people close to them. The moon was flourishing.
Author's Note: The thing that grabbed me most in the reading was the reference to a Lunar race. I wanted to kind of model after bits and pieces of all the stories, but put them on the moon. Rather than tests or dead husbands or any of those things, I wanted to have a simple yearning and a woman who was a devout hero, a guiding light.
Photo: Super Moon by Steve Corey
I think I like your story better than the original. It was well written and fun to read. I like that you changed the main plot of the story to where it was just Ami wanting to be a hero and find her love. You did a really great job writing this story. I would suggest that you separate your paragraphs a little more to make them easier to read and go in depth more in your authors note because I couldn't remember the original story so I had to go read it to understand what was going on.
ReplyDeleteHi, Rachel!
ReplyDeleteI guess I chose a different reading because I do not remember any place mentioning a Lunar race. Nonetheless, I think you wrote a beautiful story. Have I ever mentioned that I like your attention to detail and general writing style? I will say it again anyways if I have. I seemingly simple desire of a wise moon princess leads to prosperity among her people and the gods. I love it! Great job!
Hey Rachel!
ReplyDeleteI think you wrote this story so beautifully, as you do in all your other ones! It was cool that you brought in parental expectations and family differences that lead to unwanted marriages. I haven't read the story you based yours off of, so maybe add in a short summary or description of the reading you did so we could have an idea of what the original is about? Overall, though, I loved the story and can't wait to read more of your stuff!
I really like what you did with this story! It was fantastically written and very interesting! I haven't read the original but this is great! The dialogue is very well written and smooth. The detail that you include really helps build the story in just the right places. The way you included families and the differences kind of gave me a Romeo and Juliet/Shakespearian vibe. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI really liked reading this story as well. While I don't remember any of the readings referencing a lunar race I think it is a really cool idea for your story. I liked that you had the princess be both headstrong and devout. She both chooses her own path and promises to honor the ancient gods. I thought you did a fantastic job with the story.
-Elizabeth